August 24th, 2009 – Istanbul
Point to this piece is; there’s none!
Months of recent ‘doing nothings’ while actually doing so much might have led me to write again.
After so many heartaches, losses, unnecessary dealings, changing locations (yeah once again)… off stage, off the lime light, off the airports and hotels, off the habits, off the daily fights and struggles…
On a motorbike, instead of the trusted Land Rover… new place, new furniture, new dog, some new friends, some old friends back in the picture again. Friends of the past, appearing once again, almost having concluded their journey for the first half….
Like any ancient great civilizations of the past, trusted castles of the past in ruins…
What appeared to be impossible a few months back, is now a gateway to something else maybe.
Need to break them eggs to make an omlette, or just keep the eggs in the fridge until they rot.
Choices and choices…
For all you people who have shared a piece of the stage with me, under any given production environment… you know what it is and what it was like… on the spot decisions, actions – despite preliminary preparations, budgets, drawings and plans…
Having spent a decent amount of time away from these environments, where we made it happen – all this time. It just blows my mind about what the others do with their lives, the decisions they whine about.
Yeah had the time to observe finally, at this age where its supposed to be the mid-way to it all.
What a waste (my opinion)
Cheating on the woman you love and married and promised the world to…for what? Feeling wanted and important?
Ignoring your kids, their childhood, their ambitions…in exchange for your ambitions, the bank accounts, job references, inventory, the villa, the cars, the maids?
Letting go of the people you shared an ample amount of time with, just because other said so?
Letting people rob you penniless, in time… just because you care for them and you have them in your life?
Putting up with the job you hate so much, even when they don’t pay you enough or don’t pay at all for a while… for what?
The promotion that never comes your way.
The millions of currency you expect in your bank account so that you can get on with your life….
Or the projects and business plans, labor of loves.. Stacked up on your desk, in your hard drive….that may not see the light of the day
The organic food you buy at the fancy grocery store and pay triple for…
Doubts, questions, gossip
Advice of friends, which never got them anywhere themselves…
A true friend will only make his/her opinion available when asked…not when they see you or when you tell them what you are up to.
Relationships of convenience, relationships of the arranged kind…Fake ones too.
When are you going to learn the synonym for ‘relationship’ is compromise? Not trying to change one another as you’d like to see them !
Criticism in every single mouth that can speak any given language, any given time of the day.
Heck, some say god is perfect, flawless… Some even criticize him/her too no?
Conscience is the name of the game these days…
Everyone is putting up with something in their lives, just to rest their soul.
This bit includes me too.
We just want to give the time of the day, the week, the month etc… just because we believe that people are like us, and they will see the light and change for the better.
Wishful thinking it is, and if it makes you happy? Hide behind it. For how long, I have no idea. I did.
Justifications, explanations… words, letters, emails, shrinks, therapy sessions
Why is it that people would spend huge amounts of currency, just to hear what they know?
What you know is what you know.
How it makes you feel, is what it is.
First impression is quite all right and it is to the exact point.
We can change a whole a lot in our lives, but not the people we have to share that life with.
So why the waste of time?
They will never change, neither would you, nor would I.
We’d ADJUST, yes that I am for. But against the word ‘change’ when it involves the people around us.
Plane ticket, suitcase, the pet, passport and some cash… will get you where you want to be… tomorrow, as you board it.
Yeah yeah yeah, all the stuff left behind, the people, the gossip, the mortgage, the business plan… And how they would see you after you depart.
Heck if they really saw the real you, none would question why and when you depart from one life to another.
Responsibilities? To whom?
You are only responsible for yourselves. If you do not exist and if you cannot function, all you are responsible for will suffer more than you.
Keeping the job you hate or that don’t pay… living in the place that you need to instead of you want to… sharing the bed with the egoistic one, or sleeping on it alone when you can share it the one that puts a smile on your face… are all a matter of choice and balls.
Keep going to the office, to the same screen and blame the world’s economic situation if it helps you with the day… regardless of your view and the name tag at the door.
Put all the diplomas and certificates at the wall where you and others can see. It will just remind you how much you worked and paid for the thing you do not want to be at the moment.
Hang the ‘past’ on your walls and brag with it when people question your motives.
Put the past on an A4 paper, actual or electronic and compete with the other fuck-ups in front of an HR person, who might actually hate their jobs when they come to the office.
Get an interview on TV, the blog, the magazine of trade… get your picture published on it, as your word will be edited per the publications view. You might even get misunderstood.
Listen to your parents for once and go and marry the kid they want you to marry. They paid for you image, education and all else. They hell can chose the one you should marry, as it would benefit them more than it would you.
You smart ones with triple IQ levels. Stay at home and fight for your titles, when the idiots of the world are making babies by the dozen and making it more impossible for us to enjoy the planet.
Artificial insemination is also a solution when you get your head off your arse, but there will be other complications.
Go get your planets sorted out, and blame the Saturn over Mars for all the shit your brought upon yourselves.
Go see a guru, or spend a weekend in a ‘camp’… only to come back to the misery yo call ‘my own’.
Stay at home, sleep till noon. That would also help with your situation, really. Will keep you caged in. You seem to like that cage, so stick to it.
Or wake up tomorrow, look around you and as you step off the bed…start the baby steps.
When was the last time, a small ‘baby step’ put a smile on your face?
Look back in time and remember the people you have met at your own cross roads. Be fair.
Remember where they took you…
No where really. They just took you off your routine… Hence the changes at those crossroads.
A moment maybe, a day, a week, a month you spent with them. Good or bad (what ever the definition of those two words maybe)
A person, a location, a hotel, a house, a room or a combination of them all.
A different sky maybe…
Some song in another language that you had to put up with through the trip…
Kill the Ego, it does you more harm than good.
Keep the pride if you want to, but not required.
Forget the last name, focus on the first. That’s the actual you.
Parents, the father, the mother – which ever is alive… and their expectation of you as ‘you’ in the real world… Does that really match what’s inside you?
Are you fighting, or accepting what they could not do, accomplish in their past? After all the years you are bowing to what they could not become?
Are you boxed in, trying to protect you from life and what it has to offer?
All the obstacles lifted by your parents? Or did you manage to overcome those obstacles?
Everybody wants to see you happy. But does their definition of happiness, co-exist with your definition?
Are you allowed to fall down? Or did they always grab you by the limbs when you were about to get hurt?
If a relationship is a compromise, do you know the meaning of commitment?
What’s keeping you there? Where you are?
What’s between you and that flight, bus, the drive down the road, the highway?
You were more you when you held that insect when you were so tiny… no fear, no bias.
You were the real you when you walked into the hose with that stray pet you found on the street. A cat, a dog, a horse, a ferret…
No you were not careless back then. You were pure.
Whot? Prep school, college, mba etc and all the money to shape you into something else?
You were cute when you brought that cat at home that you still have, and when you chose the person to spend the rest of your life with, now you are the evil?
Now you are not making sense with your bold choices, but you did make a whole lot of sense when you were little.
Walk away people. Walk away from it all. Even for seconds, in your own imagination for a while. And just sample what it used to be like.
As I said before, even god gets his/ her share of criticism from the clan we call the people. So you really think you have the means to convince them all. God couldn’t. You can?
Yeah yeah they all mean good
They all want to see you happy etc
Go make yourselves happy first… so that you can shine to the others around you.
At first they’d hate you
… Cause you’d done something they did not have the balls to do.
If it’s a smile that they really care about….?
If it’s your version happiness vs their version and it somehow matches… They eat it all up, not spit it out.
Find a song of the past… listen to it again. Remember what you were doing and how it made you feel when that piece was blasting off the speakers.
Ambitions, egos… leave that to the ones coming behind you, the newbies.
You paid your dues.
All things you can change with money. You can change it tomorrow.
Temporary victories are for sale, even up for auction.
Just let me know which port, airport, bus stop you are coming into.
I’ll be there. As I had always been.
We’d see from there…
What we had seen to this day, was something else… prepping us for the things to come? And there’d be a few more along the way
I know what I can and cannot do… do you?
I am proud to say ‘I’… Are you?
I am doubtless… Are you?
Been there, done that… Have you?
Where do you want to be, when you face the final curtain?
You will die on that stage, under the lights…What color? Is of your choosing.
Have you really done what you have to do?
Aim for the skies, you had your nose on the tarmac for so long…
Does the past make you shy, or do you have that nose from the tarmac up towards the skies?
Did you really get what you deserved?
As for me… I have my own answers to the questions above. Most of you are witnesses. For the ones that are blind…
At least I have touched more lives than I destroyed.
At least I did what I had to do, given the circumstances.
You are here and reading this from me, so it means you are still part of my life, and I have managed to change something in you… So did you… Despite the differences.
Don’t wait for the traumas and the losses in your life. By then you and I would be on the same page. I’ll save you a journey if I can… but better you walk the path yourself.
Whichever way you chose, I’ll be at the taverna at the end of your journey. Just come and sit on my table, and we’d see what we can do from there.
And you is plural here. So don’t name any names.